Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
