I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
