so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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