No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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