Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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