i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
