If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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