i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
