if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
