So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
