3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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