For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
