Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
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Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
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I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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