Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
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I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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