cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
