Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wish my penis had an off switch
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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