Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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