he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
