He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
