I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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