Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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