you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
