after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
