1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
