omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
