escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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