My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
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I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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