I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
