i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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