I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
