don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
