YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
