Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
