Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize