We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
