I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
