it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
