Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
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