in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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