let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't turn off my feet"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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