Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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