So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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