I think my fart just growled at me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
