I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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