Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
