I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
