The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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