New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
