Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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