Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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