I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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