guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just found a bag of teeth...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
