I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
