love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just threw up on my dentist
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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