i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
