Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
