What did we do last night that was yellow?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
