I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sext me about skeletons
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
