I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
