Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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