i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
