girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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