It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sorry my hands just texted you
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
