you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
